Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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