I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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