3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
