every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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