This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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