Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
