do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
