grandma shit on top of the toilet
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
