you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
