my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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