Well apparently he's into motor boating.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
