I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
