Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize