This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
