I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
