Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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