I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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