Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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