One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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