I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
