Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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