just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
