What a fucking waste of an outfit
4 words: hood of his car
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
