Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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