i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
