I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize