You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
