There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
false alarm, still single
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
