my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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