Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
