Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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