My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
