Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just cropdusted the office
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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