I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
