Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you mean i was at the winter classic?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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