Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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