dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
