it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
