we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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