She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
