You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
