im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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