Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
