I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
