we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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