If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
