he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
