I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
