none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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