I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
