I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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