Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Randomize
