well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
