i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
