a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize