Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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