Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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