dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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