i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
