It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
