Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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