It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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