I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
