i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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