We won't sleep together?
She is in my trunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
