i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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